May 8, 2022 (Fourth Sunday of Easter)

by Fr. Xavier Lavagetto, O.P.

[This is the text composed by the homilist prior to delivering the homily.]

Don’t you just love short Gospels, especially on Mother’s Day?  … More time to celebrate, more time for students to call your moms! Today is called Good Shepherd Sunday, not a bad description for Mother’s Day given all the shepherding mothers do!

Curiously, the phrase Good Shepherd is not in today’s Gospel. Let’s rename it, Good Sheep Sunday since it is all about the sheep recognizing and responding to their shepherd’s voice!

At that time, sheep were kept in a common enclosure at night for warmth and protection, and each morning, the shepherds came to call them, often by name. And each followed their shepherd for they responded to no other voice! … Now, that’s a special bond .. I don’t care if you are 4,  14, 24, or 40; you are always your mother’s child! It is a lifelong bond.

On this Mother’s Day, it begs the question. Did you, do you listen to your mother? Wouldn’t that make her very happy, and your dad proud, if you really listened to your mom? … But isn’t it what we all want! … To be heard!

Right now, the nation, good people, this campus are divided; it is 49-year-old battle that pits visceral values of human life and individual freedom against the other. A photo of two women screaming at each other against the backdrop of the Supreme Court captures the moment. Two women who might otherwise have been friends, insisting at the top of their voices on victory against the other; each wanting to coopt the coercive power of the state, with each side deaf to other’s deepest values and fears. Each side insists without listening or learning. The Church doesn’t have to apologize for wanting to protect life on Mother’s Day. It speaks from a mother’s heart, but make it a war and no one listens, no one is converted and nothing changes! Whatever happens this June, the divide will wage on because we do not trust the good will of the other.

Listening is the first and most difficult step to building a deeper unity be it at home, among family members, among races, in gender issues and in this very divided country. … But I wondered if there isn’t an antecedent attitude that is necessary. … A positive attentiveness that respects, that trusts the other.

After 600 marriages, you can imagine that I did a lot of couple marriage preparations, sometimes as many as 50 in a year. So, I did a lot marriage prep readings. My favorite was Dr. John Gottman. He and his team studied over 3300 couples over 30 years. They wanted to prove that communication is the key to a happy marriage. … Sadly, they couldn’t prove it! … But there was this important predictor, how the couple responded to each other’s bid for emotional connection. These are small claims on the other’s attention to share impact.

Imagine you taking your special someone for a place famous for its hamburgers. Biting into that juicy, hand-crushed, perfectly cooked well-seasoned burger, that special person exclaims, “This is the best burger in the word.” … And you say, “Pass the ketchup.” … What does the other feel? … Unheard, ignored, dismissed … chopped liver!

When someone makes a claim on your attention, you have only three possibilities: (1) turn towards giving your full attention, (2) ignore or (3) reject. … Attentive responses might be, I’m glad your liked it! … I was hoping you would!” … Even, can I try yours! … Your positive responsiveness says: “What you’re saying is important to me! ... I’ve here for you! … You matter to me! … A meal can have 60 or more bids! And with each positive attentive response you are affirming the other’s individuality, importance and value. Gottman names it: positive sentiment override.  You see the other in the most positive light. But if you ignore or reject, you are saying: You don’t matter!

We all want to be heard, valued and appreciated. Your attentive response feeds the other’s heart and your own. It’s the glue for your relationships, be it with your mother, your spouse, a friend, and yes, with even someone you vehemently, politically disagree with. It is the necessary glue of my relationship to God.

Ever wonder, where God is hiding in your life? … He’s not absent, but we aren’t home when he comes calling. … We ignored his bids! … If you do eat and drink from the table of God’s gifts and blessings, you going to starve!

No gift is ever truly received unless it is attentively received. Prayer isn’t yapping at God, it’s a heart savoring God’s presence.

It’s why I advocate Ignatian Spirituality and especially the Examen since it teaches us to hear God’s voice in the events of our day. … But it is also a school for all our all our relationships for it teaches us to be attentive. The Examen is composed of three moments: (1st) I ask where did I experience God, love, goodness or friendship in my day? (2nd), I savor and delight in those moments of grace and goodness, beauty and blessing. (3rd) I learn by asking: How might I better respond to a similar moment tomorrow? It is teaching me to recognize Jesus’ voice in the events of my day. Remember: You become what you decide to notice!!!

Truly this is Good Sheep Sunday.  … My sheep hear my voice; I know them, and they follow me. …. This isn’t Matthew’s and Luke’s story about a love-crazed shepherd risking ninety-nine sheep for one lost. Their parables explain Jesus’ choice for sinners over the smug religiously righteous. They are the lost; they needed to be rescued!

Today’s snippet from John has a different concern; Jesus is focused on sustaining a community that has already been found but are facing new threats. They’ve known exclusion and expulsion; they’ve been cast out of the synagogue. John’s Gospel refocusing them on Jesus’ voice and living the Jesus way. 

In their pain they’ve learned that being found is more than membership in some fold, group or church. It is a relationship that results in intimacy: “I know my own and my own know me.” Don’t be satisfied with membership instead of relationship. God wants a real relationship with you and you with each other!

One spiritual writer wrote: The secret of community is relationship: meeting people, not through the filters of certitudes, ideologies, idealism or judgments, but heart to heart; listening to people with their pain, their joy, their hope, their history, listening to their heart beats.”

They are hearing the voice of Jesus, the Good Shepherd when they listen with positive attitude and attentiveness. On this Good Sheep Sunday and Mother’s Day, Will you choose to have a listening and attentive heart like Jesus, like every great mother who sought to build, heal and unite?