24th Sunday in Ordinary Time, September 17, 2023

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Forgiveness is not optional

Matthew 18:21–35

Then Peter approaching asked him, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.

That is why the kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king who decided to settle accounts with his servants. When he began the accounting, a debtor was brought before him who owed him a huge amount. Since he had no way of paying it back, his master ordered him to be sold, along with his wife, his children, and all his property, in payment of the debt. At that, the servant fell down, did him homage, and said, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full.’ Moved with compassion the master of that servant let him go and forgave him the loan.

When that servant had left, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a much smaller amount. He seized him and started to choke him, demanding, ‘Pay back what you owe.’ Falling to his knees, his fellow servant begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ But he refused. Instead, he had him put in prison until he paid back the debt.

Now when his fellow servants saw what had happened, they were deeply disturbed, and went to their master and reported the whole affair. His master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me to. Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant, as I had pity on you?’ Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers until he should pay back the whole debt.

So will my heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives his brother from his heart.”

Music Meditations

Opening Prayer

Lord, teach me openness of heart to those who need my understanding and forgiveness. Help me to extend forgiveness that is genuine and complete, not conditional or grudging. I know this is so very hard, Lord, and I will need your guidance and understanding. Help me to realize when I need forgiveness of you or others I my life, and grant me the humility to admit when I have been wrong.

Companions for the Journey

Adapted from John Boll, O.P. in “First Impressions,” 2005, and William Bausch in 60 More Seasonal Homilies:

I think today’s readings stir up some questions in all of us: Jesus’ answer seems naïve and maybe even dangerous. He seemed to lack any common sense or even to have forgotten the apparent likelihood that giving lots and lots of pardons would not even in the tiniest way get anyone to stop doing bad things. And yet, I suspect Jesus was not all that naïve—I think we need to look at some assumptions we make about forgiveness, so here are five things forgiveness is NOT:

  1. Forgiveness is not ignoring evil and forgetting wrongs that have been committed by individuals, governments, churches—even ours. In some places—the Balkans, Northern Ireland, the Middle East—to forgive my enemy is to betray my ancestors; to forgive is to make a mockery of their sacrifices; to forgive is to condone wrongs against justice and decency. Elie Weisel, in speaking of the Holocaust said: “We must forgive, but we must never forget.”
  2. Forgiveness is not the enabling of bad or destructive behavior. We hear all the time of people who stay in abusive relationships out of a mistaken sense of their obligation to “turn the other cheek”. Let me be very clear: I don’t think we are called to be passive victims of abusive and destructive behavior. Rather, I think what we are actually empowered to do is to invoke civil law to extricate ourselves and those for whom we are responsible from a dangerous situation, and then we invoke divine law or the grace of God to help us heal and get rid of our anger so we can move on with a productive and happy life. We hear also of co-dependents in addictive situations—alcohol or drugs—who forgive and forgive, and their loved one does not get better, he or she gets worse. So the reality is that a simplistic ”forgive and forget” is not what is called for here. Another way of putting it is: that we must forgive the sin, but remember the crime.
  3. Forgiveness is not a demonstration of my wonderfulness. This is forgiveness with a hook, one-up forgiveness, and it says, in effect: “I have weighed, judged you and your behavior and found you sorely lacking in qualities that are worthy of my respect. I have these qualities at this point in time, but you do not. I humbly recognize my superior moral strength and your weakness, my consistent moral behavior and your lack of morality. I forgive you your trespasses. You, of course, will find some suitable way to be grateful from this day forward.”
    This is not forgiveness. This is manipulation.
  4. Forgiveness is not easy—sometimes it might even be impossible. I don’t know how a rape victim forgives her rapist. I don’t know how the victim of sexual abuse as a child ever learns to get over it. I don’t know how someone whose parents were gassed in Auschwitz learns to forgive the Nazis who were the instrument of their deaths; I don’t know how the widow in Northern Ireland or New York gets past the anger and resentment. I don’t know how a parent learns to forgive someone who has damaged or murdered his or her child. In fact, if I am sure of anything at all, it is that God understands our sorrows and our difficulties with resentment, anger—understands, maybe even, our inability to let go and forgive someone. At least, I sincerely hope so. Yes, forgiveness is not easy—in fact, it is impossible, without God’s help.
  5. Forgiveness is not optional—This passage from Matthew tells us that we should be merciful primarily because each of us has received mercy. We are to forgive, not because someone deserves our forgiveness, but because we have been forgiven. When, at the end of the Our Father, we pray, “forgive us our trespasses as we Forgive those who trespass against us,” we are asking God to let the experience of being forgiven so transform our hearts that we may likewise forgive others. It would be a foolish person who would pray the other way around, asking God to forgive us only in the puny measure we are able to forgive others. Our life with God is a gift, from beginning to end. Whenever we asked for forgiveness from God, we received it. The Eucharist is our act of thanksgiving for what we realize again we have received from the hands of a gracious God. A sign that we really believe we have been forgiven free of charge, is to give similar forgiveness to others, again and again.
Further reading:

Weekly Memorization

Taken from the gospel for today’s session…

Lord,…How often must I forgive?

Living the Good News

What action can you take in the next week as a response to today’s reading and discussion?

Keep a private journal of your prayer/actions responses this week. Feel free to use the personal reflection questions or the meditations which follow:

Reflection Questions

  • Have I ever had a falling out with a friend who hurt me? How did I deal with it?
  • “Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven”?
    How does this phrase refer to my personal obligation to forgive?
    Does it mean that I will, in one way or another, take my grudges and my lack of forgiveness into the kingdom of God here on earth, which clearly has no place for them?
    Does it mean I will take my grudges and my lack of forgiveness with me into the next life?
  • Do I sometimes identify myself by a wound I have suffered or by an abuse I have endured? (I am a _______ survivor.)
    Why do I do this?
    How does it keep my notion of victimhood alive?
  • How hard is it for me to forgive someone who has really hurt someone I love?
  • How have past hurts affected my attitude about trusting others?
  • How grudgingly do I extend forgiveness to others?
  • Do I demand forgiveness of another, while withholding my forgiveness of someone?
  • How is forgiveness related to mercy?
  • From theologian Romano Guardino:
    Justice is the enemy of love. Do I agree or disagree?
  • How does forgiveness exist while I am still seeking punishment?
    Can it?
  • Do I have trouble asking for or receiving forgiveness?
    Why is that?
  • How do I reconcile the reality that true forgiveness has no end—that we are called to forgive over and over—with the need for self-preservation?
  • How do I forgive a wrong that has been done to me while preserving my own safety and sanity?
    At what point must I say “no more”?
  • How is forgiveness of another a type of healing for me?
    Do I see my own lack of forgiveness as shackles that bind me to the past or to another that I wish to be free from?
  • From Jude Siciliano. O.P.:
    What effect has forgiveness had on my own life?
    What person or institution am I called to forgive?

Meditations

A Meditation in the Dominican Style/Asking Questions

Adapted from “First Impressions,” a service of the Southern Dominican Province:

In today’s gospel passage Peter puts a question about forgiveness to Jesus. Peter seems to think he has the right answer. But Jesus answers the question in a way that must have surprised Peter and, as if to back up his response, Jesus tells a parable. But this parable isn’t like one of those passages we frequently mention, easily accessible for reflection. It is a rough-sounding parable. On first hearing we feel edgy because God doesn’t come off sounding like anyone we’d like to get close to or get to know. After ending the parable about the unforgiving debtor’s being handed over to the torturers, “until he should pay back the whole debt,” Jesus adds, “So shall my heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives your brother/sister from your heart.” See what I mean? Sounds like quite a change from the loving compassionate God Jesus has been manifesting in his speech and actions. As a preacher I also suspect that closing line is going to reinforce the image of the punishing and demanding God some of us still carry around within us, even if it is deep down at an unconscious level. What’s a preacher to do with all the baggage this parable is carrying?

How did you respond emotionally as well as intellectually to this parable? What does it say about what God demands of us, even when it seems hard?

A Meditation in the Augustinian Style/Relationship:

Is true forgiveness hard? Yes, but it is also necessary for our emotional and spiritual health. Think of someone who has hurt you in some way, and try to begin the process of forgiveness. Father Patrick Brennan in his book: The Way of Forgiveness, says that we stay forever frozen in the past if we do not begin somewhere. He suggests that we start by naming the pain. Perhaps you could use a journal to articulate those feelings of anger, hurt, revenge, depression. Stay with this exercise until you can accurately state what happened and how you felt. Hard as it is, this is the first step in moving forward.

After doing this, read Luke 22:39–46. What pain do you think Jesus was going through at this time? How did his disciples hurt him? Name some other times when Jesus was hurt by those around him. How do you think he felt? Do you think he forgave them?

The next thing to do is to DECIDE to forgive. You may revisit this decision many times, praying for the strength, the courage and the generosity of spirit forgiveness requires. Note: the decision to forgive must not necessarily be conveyed to the person who hurt you, and in any event may not be communicated in a way that merely reinforces your sense of being wronged, or demonstrates any sort of moral superiority.

Your next step might be to pray for the one(s) who have offended you.

These steps may not always follow the pattern outlined. Like any emotional process, we may revisit certain stages until we have mastered them. The key to making this work rests in prayer and loving kindness--the sort Jesus modeled for us.

And finally, reflect on what you have learned from your painful experience, thanking God for the wisdom you have gained.

A Meditation in the Franciscan Style/Action:

We cannot talk of forgiveness without discussing prison and our prison system, including capital punishment. First, we need to think about why we have prisons in the first place. They seem to have several purposes: retribution, incapacitation, deterrence and rehabilitation. A majority of people consider retribution the primary purpose of prisons. Depriving criminals of their freedom is a way of making them pay their debt to society by punishing them for their crimes. And these prisons should not be country clubs; they should be uncomfortable and maybe even harsh. These criminals are being PUNISHED! They hurt others; we need to hurt them. The whole issue of the death penalty is usually part of the discussion about retribution.

Incapacitation removes these people from society so they will not hurt others. The type of prison accommodations for these offenders might be less harsh if those in charge favored removal from society over punishment.

Deterrence means the prevention of future crimes by those see what happens to those who have done the same thing. Fear of incarceration and punishment is thought to be a motive in keeping others from criminal acts. There have been studies which demonstrate the effectiveness or the ineffectiveness of this theory.

Rehabilitation, for some, is the major object of incarceration. Changing criminals in law-abiding citizens requires a change of heart and mind, and it is a long and arduous process, especially if childhood abuse or addiction are part of the picture It is obvious that providing counseling education. Vocational training, spiritual accompaniment, connections to loved ones being strengthened, an ongoing support system after release from prison.

These four major purposes have not been stressed equally, and in some cases are in direct opposition to one another. As a result prions differ in their facilities, staff and operations. Local public opinion can be widely divergent and often acrimonious in determining prison policies in various areas of our country.

In reading this passage from Matthew, we have to ask ourselves what gospel principles should inform our attitudes on prisons and punishment. What do I think is the purpose of incarceration? How do we deal with the victims and their loved ones? How do I feel about the morality of capital punishment? Do I have a responsibility to address these issues as a Christian? In the spirit of Jesus, am I called to do anything for prisoners, such as writing to death row inmates, or volunteering to visit or work with prisoners in any way? The very least I can do is write someone in prison, especially someone on death row. (WriteAprisoner.com …)

A Meditation in the Ignatian Style/Examen:

From “Sacred Space” a service of the Irish Jesuits:

I think of those who have caused me hurt and how I have reacted. I pray for them and, even if I can’t wish them well now, I pray that one day I might…

Poetic Reflection:

Is this like God’s forgiveness? How can we mirror it?

“To My Mother”

I was your rebellious son,
do you remember? Sometimes
I wonder if you do remember,
so complete has your forgiveness been.

So complete has your forgiveness been
I wonder sometimes if it did not
precede my wrong, and I erred,
safe found, within your love,

prepared ahead of me, the way home,
or my bed at night, so that almost
I should forgive you, who perhaps
saw the worst that I might do,

and forgave me before I could act,
causing me to smile now, looking back,
to see how paltry was my worst,
compared to your forgiveness of it

already given. And this, then,
is the vision of that Heaven of which
we have heard, where those who love
each other have forgiven each other,

where, for that, the leaves are green
the light a music in the air,
and all is unentangled,
and all is undismayed.

—by Wendell Berry (a former Stanford Stegner Fellow) from Entries

Closing Prayer

Adapted from “A Psalm for Pardon” from Prayers for a Planetary Pilgrim by Father Edward Hays:

Grant me, O gracious One,
Your great gift of pardon.

I have searched for it
In every pocket and hiding place
........
I know it is here,
Buried beneath my pain
in a back corner of my heart;
But for now it is lost.

I know that to forgive is divine, but I am not a deity,
And I fear that I will become a demon
Who, by failing to forgive
Will spread the kingdom of darkness.
Remind me ten times and more
Of all that you have forgiven me—
Without even waiting for my sorrow,
The very instant that I slipped
Make me your messenger of your good news I cannot now speak
Give to me the healing words of forgiveness. Amen.